Fr. Achad (Charles Stansfield Jones)
Key entry by Fr. Nachash
Ur.us-Hadit Camp, OTO
Completed 11-21-90 e.v.
TO THE STAR GODDESS
Who is Not
BY XIII: which is ACHAD
I ... Invocation
Mother of the Sun, Whose Body is White with the Milk of the Stars,
bend upon Thy servant and impart unto him Thy Secret Kiss!
Enkindle within him the Holy Ecstasy Thou hast promised unto them
that love Thee; the Ecstasy which redeemeth from all pain.
Hast thou not proclaimed: All the sorrows are but shadows, they
pass and are done, but there is that which remains? That the
Universe is Pure Joy-that Thou givest unimaginable Joys on
Earth--that Thou demandest naught in sacrifice?
Let me then rejoice, for therein may I serve Thee most fully. Let
it be Thy Joy to see my joy; even as Thou hast promised in Thy Holy
Now, therefore, am I Joyful in Thy Love.
II ... The Brook
I wandered beside the running stream, and mine eyes caught the glint
of Thy Starry Orbs in the swirling waters.
So is it with my mind; it flows on towards the Great Sea
of Understanding wherein I may come to know Thee more fully.
Sometimes, as it journeys, it threatens to overflow its banks in
its eagerness to reflect a wider image of Thine Infinite Body.
Ah! How the very stones, over which flow the life of my being,
thrill at the tender caress of Thy reflected Image.
Thou, too, art Matter; it is I---Thy Complement---who am
motion! Therefore these very stones are of Thee, but the Spirit---the
Life---is the very Self of me; mine Inmost Being.
Flow on, O Stream! Flow on, O Life! Towards the Great Sea
of Understanding, the Great Mother.
III ... The Rose Garden
Long have I lain and waited for Thee in the Rose Garden of Life;
yet ever Thou withholdest Thyself from mine Understanding.
As I lay I contemplated Thy nature as that of an Infinite Rose.
Petals, petals, petals.. but where, O Beauteous One, is Thy Heart?
Hast Thou no Heart? Are Thy petals Infinite so that I may never
reach the Core of Thy Being?
Yet, Thou hast said: "I love you! I yearn to you! Pale or
purple, veiled or voluptuous, I who am all pleasure and purple, and
drunkeness of the innermost sense, desire you: Come unto me!"
Yea! Mine innermost sense is drunken; it is intoxicated upon the Dew
of the Rose. Thy Heart is my Heart; there is no difference, O Beloved.
When I shall have penetrated to the Heart of Thine Infinite Rose,
there shall I find Myself.
But I shall never come to myself---only to Thee.
IV ... The Fox Glove
Tall and straight as a Fox Glove do I stand before Thee, Mother
The flower of my being is given over to a strange conceit; I grow
up towards the Stars and not towards the Sun.
Art Thou not Mother of the Sun?
Thus have I blasphemed the Lord and Giver of Life for Thy sake. Yet
am I not ashamed, for in forgetting the Sun I am become the
Sun--Thy Son--yet a thousand times more Thy Lover.
The foxes have holes and the birds of the air have nests, but now
I have nowhere to lay my head; for tall and straight as a Fox Glove
do I stand before Thee. My resting place is the Womb of the Stars.
Yet all that I may comprehend of Thine Infinite Body is but as
the Glove upon one of Thy soft sweet hands, touching the Earth, not
hurting the little flowers.
V ... The Storm
A Dark Night and the Storm. The lightening flashes between Thee and
me. I am dazzled so that I see Thee not.
So in the depths of my being flash the fires of life; they blind
me to the Understanding of Thee and Thine Infinite Body of Stars.
Yet I see Thee reflected in the body of her I love, as we lie
with quivering limbs awaiting the coming of the sound of thunder.
She fears the thunder, and turns within herself for consolation.
But even there the Lightning flameth, for I have loosed the fires of
my being within the dark recess---in honour of the Storm and of
Thine Infinite Body which I see not.
VI ... The Hole in The Roof
Once I knew an ancient serpent. He delighted to bask in the
Sunshine which penetrated through a tiny hole in the roof of the cave.
He was old and very wise.
He said: "Upon me is concentrated the Light of the whole Univ-
But a little brown beetle, who had long lived in the cave with
him, looked up, and spreading his wings passed out through the
hole in roof---into the Infinite Beyond.
Thus, forsaking wisdom, would I come to Thee, Beloved Lady of
the Starry Heavens.
VII ... The Design
Strange curves: and every Curve a Number woven into a Musical
and Harmonious Pattern.
Such was the design showed me by my friend when first we met.
It was like an exchange of greetings by means of an inward recog-
Oh! Could I but grasp the Ever-changing Design of Thy Star
Body, Mother of Heaven!
Yet, it is written: "Every man and every woman is a star. Every
number is infinite, there is no difference."
Such then is Life, for those who love Thee: Strange Curves, and
every Curve a Number woven into a Musical and Harmonious Design.
VIII ... The Snow Drift
My body was blue as Thine, O Beloved, when they found me. I was
stiff as if held in a close embrace. Nor was I conscious of aught
but Thee, till the small fires of Earth brought me back with an agony
of tingling pain.
How came I to be lost in the snow-drift?
I remember how I had taken shelter from the blinding storm. The
snow fell about me, and I waited, turning my thought to Thee.
Then did I realize how every snow-flake is built as a tiny star.
I looked closer, burying my face in the white pile, as in Thy
Bosom. Mine arms embraced the snow-drift; I clung to it in a mad
Thus would I have pressed Thy Body to mine, wert Thou not Infinite
and I but as tiny as a star-flake.
So was my body frozen---as by the utmost cold of inter-stellar space.
It was blue as Thine when they found me locked in Thine embrace.
IX ... Daylight
In the Daylight I see not Thy Body of Stars, O Beloved.
The little light of the Sun veils the Great Light of the Stars,
for to-day Thou seemest distant.
The Sun burns like a great Torch, and Earth seems as one of His
little Spheres, filled with life.
I am but a tiny spermatozoon, but within me is the fiery and
concentrated essence of Life.
Draw me up into Thyself, O Sun! Project me into the Body of Our
Thus shall a new Star be born, and I shall see Thee even in
the Daylight, O Beloved.
X ... The Bird
Once I bought a little bird; his cage was very small; it had only
one perch. He was so young he had not even learned to sing, but he
chirped gladly when I brought him home.
Then I raised the bars of his cage, and without a moment's hesit-
ation he flew out into the room, and spying the cage of the
love-birds, perched upon it and examined it carefully.
Not long afterwards another and stronger cage was obtained for
the love-birds, for they had pecked through some of the frail bars.
When the little bird was offered the discarded cage, he quickly
hopped from his tiny one to theirs.
Now he has three perches and room for his tail, and when we open
the door of his cage he refuses to come out. Perhaps he fears to lose
what he had once coveted and then obtained.
Herein lies the secret of Government. Give the people what will
make them reasonably comfortable; let them have three perches and
room for their tails; and forgetting their slavery and restrictions,
they will be content.
Hast Thou not said "The slaves shall serve." Lady of the Starry
XI ... The Moral
There is another moral to the story of the little bird. Having
gained his desire for a larger cage, he forgot his longing for Free-
The door remained open; the room was before him, wherein he
could stretch his wings and fly.
Yet he preferred his cage.
The wide world might have been his had he known how to use it, but
he was not ready for that; he would have perished of cold had I let
him out into the wintry snow.
Let those who would travel the Mystic Path remember this:
Earth Consciousness is an illusion and limitation. When it frets us,
like a little cage, our chance for greater freedom comes.
But when a larger cage is offered---when we obtain Dhyana---let us
not rest there thinking ourselves free. The door is open, Samadhi
lies beyond, and beyond that, when we are ready for it, the Real
O Lady of the Stars, let me not content till I penetrate the
ultimate bars and am Free---One with the Infinitely Great as with the
XII ... The Invisible Foot Prints
Long have I roamed the Earth delighting in the Good, the Beautiful
and the True; ever seeking the spots where these seem to be most
There is joy in this wandering among the flowers of life, but Thy
Joy, O Beloved, is to be desired above all.
Now I seek a resting place, I am set upon a new Quest, to Worship
at Thy feet.
For it is written of Thee: "Bending down, a lambent flame of
blue, all touching, all penetrant, her lovely hands upon the black
earth, and her lithe body arched for love, and her soft feet not
hurting the little flowers."
Oh! That I might discover Thine Invisible Footprints upon the Earth
and there come to the Understanding of Thy Being, O Beloved.
XIII ... The Finger Tips
Or, it may be, O Beloved, I shall discover the imprints of Thy
finger tips amid the flowers or upon the Black Earth.
Hath not Nemo a Garden that he tendeth? Doth he not also labour in
the Black Earth?
Who knoweth when Thy hands may grasp me and draw me up into Thine
arms, there to nestle at Thy breast, to feed upon the Milk of the
Beloved, verily this tending of the Garden of the World---although
the labor may seem heavy---leadeth to a Great Reward. As Thou hast
said: "Certainty, not faith, while in life upon death, rest,
ecstasy." Nor dost Thou demand aught in sacrifice.
What do the Bhaktis know of Love? They see the Beloved everywhere.
But when I am one with Thee, O Beloved, I shall not see Thee, for
I shall know Theee as Thou art.
XIV ... The Well of Stars
I know a hidden well of clearest water. Naught but the coping
of delicate pink onyx is visible until the secret spring be touched.
Then beware! For above the entrance hangs a fiery sword.
Few find this Well or know its Secret; there are but two roads
From the broad Mountain summit we may search the slopes for a vision
of the Woodland Delta where grow the Trees of Eternity, or we may
journey through the Valley between the Ivory Hills---if we fear not
the purple shadows and the black pit-fall.
From Thee we came; to Thee may we return, O Well of Living Stars!
XV ... The Icicles of Isis
It hath been written how the Old King dreamed of his banished
peacock, entombed in a palace of ice, who cried: "The Icicles of
Isis are falling on my head."
Thus it is with those who arebanished to the Palace of the Moon----
for the Word of Sin is Restriction.
Oh! Lady of the Starry Heavens, let me not become frozen at the
touch of the cold Veil of Isis. For the Moon is but the dead reflector
of the Sun, and He but the youngest of Thy Children of Light.
Let me lift Thy Peacock Veil of a Million Starry Eyes, O Beloved!
Show Thy Star Splendour, O Nuit; bid me within Thine house to dwell!
XVI ... Purple Mill
The delicate purple mist streams up from the hills: I watch and
wait for the meaning of it all.
Sometimes it seems like the incense smoke of Aspiration ascend-
ing towards the Sun---giver of Light, Life, Love and Liberty
to the Children of Earth.
But the Sun is going down behind the Mountains, and Thy Starry
Lamps glow in the Sky.
Is not the Lamp above the Altar a symbol of the Desire of the Higher
to draw up the lower to Itself?
So, O Lady of Heaven, I liken the Mist to the life-breath of Souls
who pant for Thee here below.
And I remember Thy words:
Above, the gemmed azure is
The naked splendour of Nuit;
She bends in ecstacy to kiss
The secret ardours of Hadit.
The winged globe, the starry blue,
Are mine, O Ankh-af-na-khonsu!
I, too, would ascend as a delicate purple mist that steams up from
the Hills. Art Thou not all Pleasure and Purple?
XVII ... The Infinite Within
I would that I were as the feminine counterpart of Thee, O
Beloved; then would I draw the Infinite within.
Yet since Thy Pure Being must ever be more refined than this body
of mine I should interpenetrate every part of Thee with my living
Thus, O Beloved, should we enter into a new and more complete
embrace: not as of earth wherein the male uniteth with the female by
means of the physical organs of love, but with every atom of my
being close pressed to every atom of Thine---within and without.
Then, O beloved, would I cry unto the Lord of the Primum Mobile
to teach me the Art of the Whirling Motion of Eternity.
Thus, whirling within Thee, our never-ending nuptial feast shall
be celebrated, and a new System of Revolving Orbs be brought to birth.
Ah! the shrill cry of Ecstacy of that Refined Rapture---the Orgasm
of the Infinite Within.
XVIII ... The Rainbow
As I sat in the shelter of the forest glade, my eye caught the
multi-coloured gleam of diamonds. I looked again; the Sun rays were
playing upon the dew which clung to a little curved twig.
It seemed like a tiny rainbow of promise.
Then, while I watched in wonder, a small grey spider bridged the
arch of the bow with his silken thread.
Ah! My Beloved, thus, too, hath the Spider of Destiny woven his
silken rope from extreme to extreme of the Great Rainbow of Promise.
Fate hath fitted me as an Arrow to the String of Destiny in the bow
of the Sun.
But Whose Hand shall draw that Mighty Bow, O Beloved, and send me
upon fleet wings to my resting place within Thine Heart?
XIX ... Dropped Dew
As I came from tending the Rose Garden and was about to return to
my humble shelter, my eyes caught the gleam of dropped dew like a
tiny trail along the path.
It was very early; the Sun had not yet re-arisen; the Stars
still twinkled faintly in the sky.
Who could have come before me to the Garden?
I followed the trail of dew, stooping down so that I saw in
each crystal drop the reflection of a tiny star.
Thus came I to my lady's chamber; she it was who carrying roses
had left this silvery thread as a clue to her hiding place.
When I found her, her eyes were closed, as she pressed the fragrant
the pink blossoms to her white breast.
Then did I bury my face in the blossoms and I saw not her eyes
when she opened them in wonder.
Thus, too, would I follow the Star-trail of Dropped Dew, ere
the re-arisen Sun hides Thee from me, O My Beloved!
Thus would I come to Thee and bury my face in Thy Breast amid the
Roses of Heaven.
Nor should I dare to look into Thine eyes, having discovered
Thy secret---the Dew of Love---the Elixir of Life.
XX ... Twilight
Twilight... and in a few brief moments the Stars will begin to peep.
I will await Thee, here amid the heather, O Beloved.
I wait... no stars appear for a mist has stolen up from the foot of
Thus I waited for a sight of Thy Star Body till the cold damp mist
of suppresed emotion chilled my being and my reason returned.
The woman stood girt with a sword before me. Emotion was overcome
by clarity of perception. Then did I remember Thy words: "The Khabs
is in the Khu not the Khu in the Khabs. Worship then the Khabs and
behold my light shed over ye."
Thus turned I my thoughts within, so that I became concentrated
upon the Khabs---the Star of mine inmost being. Then did Thy Light
arise as a halo of rapture, and I came a little to lie in Thy bosom.
But I offered one particle of dust---and I lost all in that hour.
Such is the Mystery of Her who demandest naught in sacrifice.
The twilight is returned.
XXI ... The Dog Star
Wisdom hath said: "Be not animal; refine thy rapture! The canst
thou bear more joy!"
I have been like an unleashed hound before Thee, O Beloved. I
have striven towards Thee and Thou seest in me only the Dog Star.
Yet will I not fall into the Pit called Because, there to perish
with the dogs of reason. There is no reason in me; I seek Under-
standing, O Mother of Heaven.
Thus, with my face buried in the black earth, do I turn my back
upon Thee. I will refine my rapture.
So Thou mayest behold me as I am, and so Thou shalt Understand at
last, O Beloved; for in reverse Thou readest this DOG aright.
Hast Thou not said: "There is none other?"
XXII ... Pot-pouri
The roses are falling. This is the night of the full moon whereon
the children of Sin attend the Sacred Circle.
Therein they will sit divided---but not for love's sake---for they
know Thee not---O Beloved. Into the Elements, the fiery, the
watery, the airy and the earthly Signs are they divided when they
gather at the Full Moon within the forest.
I wandered down the deep shadowy glade, there I espied a tiny
sachet of pot-pouri, dropped---maybe---from the streaming girdle of
one of the maidens.
Tenderly I raised it. Its perfume is like unto the perfume ofher
I love. She, too, perhaps, has heard the call of the moon and is
even now on her way to the secret tryst.
But hast Thou not said: "Let there be no difference made among
you between any one thing and any other thing; for thereby cometh
hurt." What matter then the name of the maiden? What matter the
flowers of which it is composed?
Yet dare I not burn this incense unto Thee, O Beloved, because of
Thine hair, the Trees of Eternity.
Oh! Little sachet of pot-pouri, thou hast reminded me of her I
love, for the roses are falling, it is the night of the Full Moon
and the children of Sin gather to attend the Sacred Circle.
XXIII ... Red Swansdown
It hath been told how Parzival shot and brought down the Swan
of Ecstacy as it winged over the Mountain of the Grail.
But there is within the archives another story, unheard by the ears
From the breast of the Eternal Swan floated one downy feather,
steeped in blood. This did the youngest and least worthy of the
Knights hide tenderly in his bosom till he concealed it within the
hard pillow of his lonely couch.
Night after night that holy pillow became softer; sweeter and
sweeter were his dreams. And one night---the night of the
crowning of Parzival---he was granted the Great Vision wherein
the Stars became like flecks of Swansdown upon the Breast of
Heaven, each living and throbbing, for they were steeped in Blood.
Then did every atom of his being become a Star racing joyfully
through the Great Body of the Lady of Heaven. Thus in sweet sleep
came he into the Great Beyond.
Grant unto me Thy Pillow of Blood and Ecstacy, O Beloved!
XXIV ... Passing Clouds
A dark night: Not a star is visible, but presently the moon
shines out through a rift in the clouds. And I remember, "The sorrows
are but shadows, they pass and are done, but there is that which
Yet is the moon but illusion.
A dull day: but presently the Sunis seen as the clouds are dispelled
by His light.
Is He that which remains?
Night once more: the Sun is lost to sight, only the moon reminds me
of His presence. The clouds scud swiftly across the Sky and disappear.
Thy Star Body is visible, O Beloved; all the sorrows and shadows
have passed and there is that which remains.
When clouds gather, let me never forget Thee, O Beloved!
XXV ... The Coiled Serpent
Thus have I heard:
The ostrich goeth swiftly; with ease could he outstrip those who
covet his tail-feathers, yet when danger cometh he burieth his
head in the sand.
Thetortoise moveth slowly and when embarrased he stoppeth, withdra-
wing into his own shell; yet he passeth the hare.
The hare sleepeth when he should be swiftly moving; he runneth in
his dreams thinking himself at the goal.
But the Coiled Serpent hath wisdom, for he hideth his tail and it is
not coveted; he raiseth his head and fears not; he moveth slowly
like the tortoise, yet withdraweth not; he nestles close to the hare,
darting his tongue with swiftness, yet falleth not asleep by the
Would that I had the Wisdom of the Coiled Serpent, O Beloved, for
Thou hast said: "Put on the wings, arouse the coiled splendour
within you: come unto me!"
XXVI ... Love and Unity
Twenty-six is the numeration of the Inneffable Name, but It con-
cealeth Love and Unity.
The Four-lettered Name implieth Law, yet it may be divided for
love's sake; for Love is the law.
The Four-lettered Name is that of the elements, but it may be
divided for the chance of Union; for there is Unity therein.
There is but One Substance and One Love and while these be twen-
ty-six they One through thirteen which is but a half thereof.
Thus do I play with numbers who would rather play with One and that
For Thou hast said: "There is naught that can unite the divided
And is not Achad Ahebah?
XXVII ... The Riddle
What is that which cometh to a point yet goeth in a circle?
This, O Beloved, is a dark saying, but Thou hast said: "My colour
is black to the blind, but the blue and gold are seem of the seeing.
Also I have a secret glory for them that love me."
And Hadit hath declared: "There is a veil; that veil is black."
I would that I could tear aside the veil, O Beloved, for seeing Thee
as Thou art, I might see Thee everywhere, even in the darkness that
cometh to a point yet goeth in a circle.
For Hadit, the core of every star, says "It is I that go," and
Thou, Mother of the Stars, criest "To me! To me!"
Resolve me the Riddle of Life, O Beloved, for loving Thee I
would behold Thy Secret Glory.
XXVIII ... Sayings
Isis hath said: "I am all that was and that is and that shall be,
and no mortal hath lifted my veil."
Who cares what is back of the moon?
Jehovah showed his back unto Moses, saying: "No man hath seen my
face at any time."
Who cares to face the elements?
Hadit hath said: "I am life and the giver of life; therefore is
the knowledge of me the knowledge of death."
Who cares to know death?
But Thou, O Beloved, hath said: "I give unimaginable joys on
earth, certainty, not faith, while in life upon death, peace
unutterable, rest, ecstacy; nor do I demand aught in sacrifice."
Who would not long to invoke Thee under Thy Stars, O Beloved?
XXIX ... The Falling Star
Falling, falling, falling! Thus fall the Rays from Thy Body of
Stars upon this tiny planet, O Beloved! Innumerable streams of
Light like Star-rain upon the black earth.
Since every man and every woman is a star, their lives are like
unto streams of light concentrated upon every point in Space.
As I lay with arms out-stretched, my bare body shining like ivory
in the darkness. my scarlet abbai flung wide, mine eyes fixed upon
the star-lit Heaven; I felt that I, too, was falling, falling,
falling, in an ecstacy of fear and love into the void abyss of space.
Then did I remember that Thou art continuous. Beneath, above, around
me art Thou. And lo, from a falling star I became as a comet wheeling
in infinite Circles, each at a different angle, till my course traced
out the Infinite Sphere that is the Symbol of Thee, O Beloved.
Then did I aspire to find the Centre of All.
And even now I am falling, falling, falling.
XXX ... Justice
I am a Fool, O Beloved, and therefore am I One or Nought as the
fancy takes me.
Now am I come to Justice, so that I may be All or Naught according
to the direction of vision.
No Breath may stir the Feather of Truth, therefore is Justice ALone
in L. Yet the Ox-goad is Motion and Breath Matter if it be called
the Ox which is also A.
How foolish are these thoughts, which are but as the Sword in the
hand of Justice. They are as unbalanced as the Scales that stir not,
being fixed in the figure of Law above the Court House of a great
But Thou hast said: "Love is the law, love under will."
And Love is the Will to Change and Change is the Will to Love.
Even in the stern outline of the Scales of Justice do I
perceive the Instrument of Love, and in the Life Sentence, the
Mystery of Imprisonment in Thy Being, O Beloved!
XXXI ... Not
Three Eternities are passed... I have outstripped a million Stars in
my race across Thy Breast---The Milky Way.
When shall I come to the Secret Centre of Thy Being?
Time, thou thief, why dost thou rob the hungry babe? Space, thou
hadst almost deceived me.
O Lady Nuit, let me not confound the space-marks!
Then, O Beloved, Thy Word came unto me, as it is written:
"All touching; All penetrant."
Thus left I Time and Space and Circumstance, and every Star became
as an atom in my Body, when it became Thy Body. Now never shall
I be known, for it is I that go.
But Thou, O Beloved, though Thou art infinitely Great, art Thou
not energized by the Invisible Point---the Infinitely Small?
A Million Eternities are Present, Deem
not of Change; This is the
Here and Now,
and I am
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